What would you do if your girlfriend served you mayo-stuffed peppers?
Issue 183: A Reddit r/relationship_advice post for the ages.
Hello! Welcome to Nosh Box, a lunchtime-ish food newsletter. I’m John Quiñones.
Read yesterday’s dispatch: It’s time to dig deeper than “food is political”
I had a serious food system rhetoric-related Nosh Box issue planned and partially written for today when I came across this reddit r/relationship_advice post. I knew what I had to do. So I scrapped that plan (you’ll see it tomorrow, get excited) and am bringing you this wild ride instead. Enjoy.
“My girlfriend (23F) is a terrible cook and refuses to learn, what do I do?”
When I first moved in with my girlfriend last month (23F) she brought along a huge book of ‘traditional family recipes’. I was excited to try some, as she had promised she was a good cook and would make me ‘something so good I wouldn't even believe it’.
That hasn’t been the case. Instead, the last month has been complete chaos. The first night my girlfriend cooked for us, she set the fire alarm off four times and served me something like a whole fish covered with raw tomato paste. I would have at least tried it but the fish itself was badly burned and the smell put me off.
She was definitely angry with me after that and told me that I didn't appreciate the work she’d put in. I told her that I did, but I’d really like it if she tried making something else. We went through her family recipe book together to pick out something, but every single recipe in there was either wildly complicated or just as gross. I'm not a picky eater at all, but most dishes required 4-5 sticks of butter or just as much oil.
Part of the problem is that her relationship with food is different to mine. Last week I caught her eating butter from the carton with a spoon. When I expressed shock, she shrugged at me and reminded me that some people eat Nutella/peanut butter straight. I can’t imagine doing something like this without gagging.
Last week, she made a dish where she stuffed whole peppers with mayo (filled all the way up) and this was my breaking point. I told her that I didn't think I could eat this and I would handle most of the cooking from now on. She shut down on me and went to our bedroom, I think to talk to her parents about this all night. I received a text from her mother a few days ago asking me to ‘think of it from’ my GF’s ‘point of view’ and by rejecting her cooking, I am rejecting her culture.
Our initial agreement was to split cooking 50/50. It doesn't look like that will be an option anymore, but my girlfriend and her whole family are angry at me. I have tried asking her if she wants to cook together/go to classes, but she refuses. Is there any coming back from this?
The advice rolls in…
Stealthyserpent says:
Sorry, peppers filled with mayo or eating butter with a spoon is culture? I'm not so sure about that...
She's clearly trying, and that’s good. Maybe you can trying cooking something new together, and find a simple recipe online to try. Clearly you have different tastes in what is good, so try and find something you can agree on.
Ameinias says:
I chime in with “what culture is this?” I very much want to see a picture of this cookbook. Is it handwritten or actually printed? This culture sounds like a combination of the 1970s and Five Minute Crafts.
I get her sadness. I too would be sad if my partner didn't like the same kind of food as me. My best friend was vegan for a long time and it break my heart that we can never share schnitzel, I don’t think I could be in a committed relationship with a schnitzel-hater. And I don’t think I could kiss someone who just ate a mayo-pepper.
PhilosopherOld3986 says:
Based on what he wrote here, he hasn’t been open to even trying to eat the foods that she likes to prepare. I can understand being a bit squeamish about those dishes, but that is the food that she enjoys, and if his priority is to make her feel loved and accepted, than advice along the lines of, ‘you are so right, that food is gross, don't let her near a kitchen,’ isn’t going to help their relationship. He needs to decide if never eating food that he dislikes is worth the harm that it is causing in their relationship. Don't let the butter distract you, he is giving her the choice between changing her long held preferences, or never getting to decide what they eat. Is he willing to change as much about himself as he is expecting her to?
Here’s the post link if you, too, want to dive headfirst into the comments. But uh, one question: How is this just something they’re just NOW discovering, AFTER they’ve moved in together? Don’t’cha think this is something you should have known by now, my dude?
So anyway, this is all I’ll probably be thinking about for a long time.
(Reddit post h/t Paula Forbes’ Stained Page News.)
